Now or Never (drabble)

[qiguai]

Title: Now or Never
Pairing: Hoonmin/Soohyun
Rating: G
Wordcount: 824
Summary: It's not right, but it's now or never.

It is Hoonmin's fate to do everything at just the wrong time. He is born two days earlier than expected but three days later than when would have been ideal, and his father ends up being stuck in a taxi as his son enters the world. He makes friends too late to keep them; he learns to sing before he can speak a word. Just once, Hoonmin wants to be right on time. In love, he thinks, of all things, he is going to wait until it's just right, and he relies on this excuse as he falls for girls who obviously have no interest in him. The timing's just off, he tells himself, and so he waits. He debuts at the wrong time, too. Contrary to what his managers and producers say, ballads really don't sell all that well, or maybe his just don't. The right time to debut probably comes just after he decides to finally leave the company and start training to be an idol. Jumping from company to company for a while, he lands just in time to be the only trainee at NHM. Well, that's not completely true, because there's a strange boy named Jaeseob hanging around, but it isn't the right time for them to become friends. Naturally, it happens anyway. For the first few months of his training, U-Kiss is more of an afterthought than a physical practice as all of them are too busy to meet the new trainee. That doesn't stop Hoonmin from running smack into Eli in the halls of the NHM building just as Eli is on his way to an important meeting, and Hoonmin earns yet another friend. Hoonmin hears about NHM's plans for U-Kiss first, which he knows all too well is wrong and it keeps him awake night after night until he spies the pale faces and Kibum's apologetic smile as he gives them all tight hugs. Next is Alexander, whose goodbye is less shocking and hits the others like a kick in the ribs when they're already on the ground. He can see it in their faces, how numb they're becoming to it all, and it is then that Hoonmin is ushered into a tense practice room and introduced as the replacement. Of all things, Hoonmin starts to think about love again. It's been a buzzing presence at the back of his mind, lurking despite his attempts to push it away. He dances, and he thinks about love. He sings, and he thinks about love. He slowly overcomes the awkward guilt with his new bandmates, and he thinks about love. They debut as the new seven members of U-Kiss, and all the time Hoonmin is thinking about love. If he were willing to be honest with himself, he'd realize his own denial. In the meantime, he pretends he hasn't been developing feelings for the one person in the whole world he should not be developing feelings for. During vocal training, he pretends that his new friend's compliments don't make him blush and forget how to breathe momentarily. When he's spending time with his bandmates-turned-friends, he pretends that he is merely accommodating the touches, the hugs, the grabs from behind that come out of nowhere. He pretends it doesn't break his heart just a little when Eli, meaning well, assures him, "Don't worry, he does that to everyone." Which is true, but that becomes just another reason on Hoonmin's rapidly growing list of why it isn't right. One does not fall in love with one's best friend. One does not fall in love with one's new leader. One does not fall in love with a man who finds inexplicable but obvious joy in touching, tackling and generally loving everyone around him. One simply does not, but Hoonmin definitely does. They're on a late night plane to Japan when something in Hoonmin lets go. Soohyun is seated by the window with a snoring Kiseob between then, and Hoonmin has to gently touch his hand to get his attention without waking their friend. Popping out his earbuds, Soohyun leans forward and gives Hoonmin a questioning look. The others are asleep around them, and Soohyun looks not too far off from sleep himself, but Hoonmin is wide awake. He feels himself smiling as he whispers it, "I like you, hyung." Soohyun blinks three times. He cocks his head slightly to the left. He opens his mouth to say something but doesn't. "Oh yeah?" he finally replies. He looks embarrassed, completely caught off guard. But Hoonmin notices right away-- this isn't a rejection. Soohyun fiddles with his watch and in the dim light of the plane, his face is red. Hoonmin is still smiling when he leans back into his seat, pulls back on his headphones and lets himself drift off into much-needed sleep. No one but Hoonmin could have picked a worse time for a confession, but it's worked for him so far.